How I found God

I recently began reading a book called,

How can I find God? by James Martin, a book of collected Essays and I highly encourage you all to get your hands on a copy.

With that being said, I begin to write this note with one question at hand "How Did I find God"?

As I begin to ponder this question, a new question arises: How can you NOT find God? No matter where you stand in your personal relationship with a God, He is always present.

He is in the gentle breeze, the warmth in the caress of the sun’s rays, the rain drop kiss. The whole world is an expression of his love for us, an artist’s masterpiece. In nature alone we can find God. The complexity and constant order in which it functions, the intricacy behind matter forming, the seasons changing. All of these things lead me to believe that there has to be something else, some Higher Power, to make this all take place, there is no way something sooo amazing sooo glorious "just happened". I remember as a little girl having this undoubted feeling in my heart, I just knew that I was a part of something far bigger than I could really ever fathom. I was amazed by the little things, insects, daisies, sunflowers, soil, butterflies, ladybugs, leaves, the sunset and sunrise. Of course, these things will always amaze, for they are Gods gifts, and Gods creation.

But as the years flew by and that little girl turned into a preteen, "the little things" weren't really that preteen’s main focus. The focus then turned to this sick society. You see, I didn't grow up in a very religious family. We were the go to church on Christmas, and Easter type of family. My parents both struggled with alcoholism, drugs and their own very unhealthy abusive relationship. God was certainly not our foundation, and this is why everything went south- up until I truly devoted my life to God. I had this nagging void, this emptiness in my heart. I later learned that only God could fill. I tried to fill it in any way I could: drugs,alcohol,excessive exercise, you name it. I struggled with insomnia, I had trouble concentrating, I felt helpless and quite frankly I was depressed. No matter what I did, no matter how happy I tried to be, or how good things looked from the outside I was spiritually bankrupt. It went on this way all the way through Jr. High as well as High school. I tried to be strong, I had to be. My parents divorced, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. At a very young age I was forced into becoming an adult. I had to be mommy now, for my little brother, and I had to be counselor to my mom, who in her drunkenness couldn't understand the hidden beauty behind her and my father’s failed marriage. Life was a mess, and I as the oldest daughter had the responsibility to mend the pieces back together.

Things eventually settled down at the home front, things got better, they were manageable-but by this point I wasn't. I always had to be on the go, I couldn't look any one in the eye, I didn’t know the meaning of relaxation for my heart was never still. I eventually had a breaking point, I was so weary, so lost and brokenhearted when one starry night I came across the book Captivating by Stasi Eldredge hidden in my closet. The book talks about the feelings kept and locked inside of every women’s heart, the desires to play an irreplaceable role, the desire to feel beautiful, to be fought for, the desire to feel loved, and never abandoned, the desires to be treated like a princess. Sure one can easily dismiss these desires, as foolish fairytale wishes that will not ever come true. Women can easily harden her heart, and become bitter, fearful and insecure. But this wasn’t Gods plan; God's plan was for every little girl to recognize those dreams as the desires your heavenly father placed in your heart and soul so that you could come running to Him. After reading this book I fell madly in love with God and came to know him as my savior. I learned that I didn’t have to be strong, because when I wasn't God was. I learned that ' all things work together for the good for those who love God' Romans 8:28.

For so long, I wanted to turn to God but I didn’t know how! I thought I had to be perfect. The beauty behind having a relationship with God is you do not have to be perfect; we all fall short of his glory. You just have to come as you are brokenhearted and weary, and ask for god’s forgiveness. God has a loving desire to bless and care for those who will TRUST him, live in a relationship with Him of faithful submission to his care and good will. If you ask for his forgiveness, and repent ( which means to ask for forgiveness by admitting guilt, and then turning away from that life style, and following life through Christ), you can be saved from death, and walk in life. We have ALL sinned, when we have faith in His word and trust God by acknowledging that Jesus was God in human flesh and that he died to remove our guilt, and shame; we can in repentance give our lives, as a sacrifice- a wholly surrender and can become saved by Gods Grace and can become Justified. Those feelings of not being good enough, the feelings of shame and fear hear can all be healed and made whole through Jesus Christ.

- All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

-2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW creation; the old has gone, the new has come

Did you get that?! You are a NEW CREATION!!!!

I’m not sure who will read this, but i pray that all of you will come to find Jesus Christ as there, friend and savior. I pray that nobody will feel alone, lost and brokenhearted, but I pray that when you do that you will run to the cross. That you will fall to your knees and that you will discover the beauty in being weak. Sometime being weak IS being strong. I pray that when you’re looking for all of life’s answers you will turn to loving friends, and family, and Gods word, for the Bible is the record of Gods ongoing effort to restore his relationship that he intended with his human creatures. Forgive those who have done you wrong, and love one another as Gods creation this is what we have ALL been called to do.

-Sophia,my brokenheart has been healed through Christ, and I yearn to share his love and glory with you all, let me know if you could use a prayer! Hopefully someone will read this lol. :)