feeling trapped?

Do you ever find your self getting so lost in your thoughts,the pain and confusion that you feel trapped? Before I found Christ, and came to know Him as my personal Savior I was a captive to depression. The feelings of not being good enough,self loathe, insecurities, worry, and a loss of hope where feelings that constantly lingered above my head. With the Valentines holiday just passing, and my hectic day filled with errands and school activities I couldn't help but feel  little alone. Sometimes the feelings of the past sneak up on me, and I find my self with tears rolling down my cheeks. One negative thought leads to the next and before you know it  I become disillusioned. The storm makes its way in, and somehow I become so caught up in my feelings that I fail to recognize all that God is doing in my life today, what he has done yesterday, and what He will do tommorow. Today I wanted to take the time to put these thougths in tangible form so that I could look back on them and be reminded not to dwell on my false feelings, but instead to dwell in the greatest love letter of all time, the Bible. Late last night, as I was heading to bed a friend sent me an ancouraging text message. She stated, " This day was first set aside to remember Saint Valentine. A man who was a martyr for his faith and love for jesus. Today we celebrate it as a day to show our loved ones how much we love and care for them. I ask you dear Saints, to remember the one who gave us the ultimate gift of love and sacrifice, when he stretched out his arms on the cross and said I love you this much. Please take the time to put in rememberance how much Jesus loves you, and desires you. Live His word. " As I read that text message the greatest smile appeared on my face and I extended my arms out towards the sky, and I just prayed and I took the time to remember how much God loves me, and cares for me, and that He will never forsake me. After I finished praying I took out my bible and I did some reading. I came across quite a few verses and these are the ones that stuck with me:

"If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth."1 John 1:6

" Therefore LET him abide in you which you heard from the begginning. If what you heard from the begginning abides in you, you also will abide in the Son and the Father." 1 John

"But you beloved,building yourselves up on your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life." Jude

These verses resonated with me beacuse they put an emphasis that our faith is something to be put into action. If I say  I love Jesus, and that I have fellowship with Him, than I must put this faith to work by taking the time to read the bible when im feeling alone so that I can ALLOW God to speak to me through His word and I can be reminded of his everlasting love. I am reminded that i must allow the Lord to abide in me, and that I must build my self up on my faith, by praying and keeping my self in the presence of Gods love by tuning into His truth and not my own poisonous self condeming thoughts. Love is an action word,therefore just as Jesus dying on the cross was the greatest sacrifice and action of love, I too must die to myself, let go of my depressive state and look forward to what God has put right in front of me. Jesus loves you. Jesus Died for you. Remember that. What will you do for HIM today? what will you do for others today? and how will you learn to see your self the way Gos sees you, as beautiful?

"Unconditional love is our essence and joy is it's expression."

Author unknown

These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full. This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. –Jesus Christ (John 15:11-12)

Psalms 63:5-7 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy.

“What I am anxious to see in Christian believers is a beautiful paradox. I want to see in them the joy of finding God while at the same time they are blessedly pursuing Him. I want to see in them the great joy of having God yet always wanting Him.” ~ A. W. Tozer

 

Jesus Died for you too, don't eliminate yourself

 ghandi stated, “Be the Change you wish to see in the world”….or my favorite…By Mr. Bob Marley, “Don’t worry be happy”. How will you be happy? How will you make change? Will you Google up your horoscope and hope on the stars and their illusive authoresses to map out your life while you continuously go at it hard on the road to hell. Will you continue to have sex? Will you smoke all the pain away? Will you party all your sorrows down the drain? Will you listen to an Idolize Weezy and Nicki Minaj and follow them instead of Jesus?

Self condemnation. None of us want to believe it. We all want to point the finger.’ Well you know, I only do this because of the way I was raised.’ Okay. Go ahead now, fill yourself up. Go find a job, find a husband, find a degree, make some money. Be the star in your life, and then go medicate yourself on anti- depressants and deny Gods existence only because you don’t want to admit that maybe your wrong. You don’t want to admit that maybe, it’s not about you. You sell out into this realm of “Secular Humanism”. ‘We are all here by chance, and we all create our own purpose . We all create our own truth.’ Blah blah blahhh blahhhh blahhhhh.

 I tried that. I tried to read the self help books, I tried everything. You know what I found. I found myself on my knees. I found myself broken. I found myself crying out to the God I had once denied, or belittled. I found that my search was finished at the cross. I found love. I found my Heavenly Father. I found purpose and direction. I found family in the body of Christ. I found happiness. I found truth. I found myself repenting. I confessed my sins, and then I turned away from them.For years I was living a life all about me, finding my truth. I was broken, I was empty and weary. I was on the verge of suicide. I hated who I had become. I realized how self destructive, living for me can be. I know that the words I am writing seem a little harsh, but there’s no way going around it. Make the choice. Choose happiness, chose peace, chose Jesus. We all need love, we all need Jesus.

            Friends Jesus Died on the cross for us. Jesus died on the cross for YOU. He sees the pain, and the torment you have. He can’t stand to watch you go down that road anymore. He longs for you. He delights in you. He died so that maybe you would believe in Him. He died so that maybe you would live for him. He died so that you would turn to him. Do you long to be fought for? Open your eyes, Jesus fought for you. He is jealous for you.Do you long for someone to remove that weight you hold so heavily on your shoulders? Open up a Bible. That book was written for you. Love letters, from your one true love. Jesus loves you, he wants to take care of you, and hold your hand throughout your life. Let him in. Once you let go of yourself, you will find Him. Once you find him, once you fall in love with him you won’t ever go back. Seek God and he will come near. Seek God, by meditating on his word. Read the Bible. Reach out to fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Attend Church. Embark on the journey, the greatest journey of your life. You will find yourself coming alive. You will find that before you knew Jesus you were dead. You were quickly perishing away and you were a slave to sin and unhappiness. When you pray to God, when you thank him for the greatest sacrifice of all, when you take up your cross momentarily and live for Him that is when you truly are alive. God will grant you with Holy Spirit which will dwell inside your heart and guide you through. Listen. I urge you to. Invite God to write your story. Fall in love with your creator. Live for Him. <3

and greater things are yet to come

Its like you just know you know you know

There is nothing like you and I

There is nothing like here and now

But my heart likes to dwell on you all the more

Listening to the harmonics

Listening to the wind rustling through the air

Guitars strumming

Coffee brewing me to life

Let’s go

Let’s go

Let’s loose grip of the hold they have on us and get in touch with one another

Let’s share stories lets share thoughts lets share dreams and wake up together

I can take you with me

Down to the ocean

Down to mountains

Down to the fields where the sunflowers grow

And we will blossom

We will be new again

Can you hear it?

There’s that moment of silence that screams so loud

Such a beautiful sound my heart is overflowing out of my chest causing my lips to turn upward

My eyes gazing into yours and I can see you

I can see that life the places you’ve stood, the things you’ve seen all that was endured

And it’s beautiful it’s beautiful

And you’ve just got something about you that just makes me smile,

And you’ve just got something about you that makes me melt

And I could stand here all day just looking at you

No touching no touching

Yet we share this connection deeper than a touch could twill

Its like you just know you know you know

Time stopped when you said I was beautiful concrete fell beneath my feet

Those fears all released

And I’m letting go

And I’m reaching out

For your hand and yours was their fingers wrap and intertwine so perfectly

It’s like you just know

And your grip is tight

Resist, resist

Patient hearts will wait

And patient hearts won’t tell of the love that’s shared

Until two are one two are one

And then it will all be done

Two will be one

The Human Condition A prayer out Loud

“Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe”

"Nothing can separate even if I run away your love never fails. I know I still make mistakes but you have new mercies for me every day and your love never fails. You stay the same through the ages your love never changes. There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning. And when the oceans rage I do not have to be afraid, because I know that you love me AND YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS."   <3 this song Jesus Culture your love never fails

Good afternoon God,

It has been a long week. As you know I have been struggling. Ive was struggling with finding peace in my mind, and spirit. You see I learned that your heart can and will deceive you. I am human, and thus am stuck under that condition. I’m naturally selfish and have evil desires. I suffer because I want more. I suffer because I look to the world for happiness and goals. I suffer because of the past, and because I worry about the future. Lord thank you for helping me to realize that. Thank you for setting me free. The more time I spend with you in prayer, and meditating on your word, the more I realize that you are all I want. Lord my prayer is that you will help me to take up my cross today. I pray that I will go throughout the day without complaining without arguing. I pray that I will speak kind and loving words. I pray that you will take away all my worry and insecurities away. I am confident because I realize how short this life and is and how long eternity is...And I know where I will spend eternity. Lord I pray that yopu humble my heart, and that I will live to be the woman you created me to be, the true Sofia. Lord help me to become unveiled. Help me to shine out like a star for you. Im not supposed to question, or analyze your commands, or my future. Instead without worry I trust you. I trust you with my entire heart and soul father. So please guide me. Please give me strength. Help rid me of my self, so I can live a life in humility as your servant. Lord I am married to you. I delight in you. You are my priority. You are the most important part of my life. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for you. You put the breathe in my lungs, you awaken my soul. You have healed my brokenheart and given me a life with the greates purpose. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for dying on the cross for me. Thank you for making me as white as snow. Thank you for removing my worries and shame. How amazing, God was living on this earth as a man. You had to endure trials,hardships,bullying,hate,this evil world. Yet you did it perfectly. I live to follow you and your ways and to love you.

Love Sophia.

“Instead Of becoming victims they became victors.”

“Instead Of becoming victims they became victors.”

“A key is believing Paul’s word about defeat and victory. In Colossians 1:13-14 Paul states the following: “Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us in the kingdom of his dear son. In whom we have redemption through his blood, ever the forgiveness of sins.””

Throughout the book of James there is nothing but encouragement in His words. He is making a strong point; Christ followers can turn defeat into victory. How so? By laying all their worries, sorrows and fears at Gods feet. By pushing forward and being honest with themselves and God. By seeking counsel from God in time of prayer, and asking God to be their guide in times of trial.


 Sometimes in life we ask God to heal or mend our situation, and when he doesn’t we become frustrated. We forget to acknowledge that our God is sovereign, and that because we love him the good will always works out for us but not always the way we have planned. We forget that he delights in us, cares for us and sees each of us as beautiful because we were made in His image. We forget that maybe just maybe, God plans are better and bigger than we could have ever imagined.


 We are in a battle. Can you feel the pull? Can you feel it in the air? Let’s work at, pressing forward by putting on the armor of God and using His mighty weapons. As stated in Ephesians 6:10-12 ““Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

God has plans for us. God loves all of us despite our sin. Remember the sacrifice. Remember the power of His love.  Remember the power and beauty behind his merciful grace. Remember that He sent His only son to die on the cross for YOU. Do not eliminate yourself. You are a part of the body of Christ.  Reflect on Paul’s words in Ephesians, “ …Joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.” You are a part of His masterpiece, even when you feel feeble hold onto this truth. We were created in love, and made to work together in union. We all have a role in His legacy. Let’s seek harmony.  Let God live through you, ask Him to and He will.  Living with the God-perspective is what makes you a victor instead of a victim.

A Reflection on the Book Of James

Problems arise between Christians (anybody for that matter) where dishonesty, disloyalty, pride, partiality and the evil likes are present. These are not fruits of the Holy Spirit, rather they are the fruits that spoil the church, and any attempt at happiness. Spiritual Immaturity is intact when the believer lacks an ongoing relationship with their savior.  An immature believer has prideful heart, and at times discounts the truth. They tend to disregard that our God is ALIVE and has the power to work within us. They lack faith, and instead of asking for God to be the strength within in them, out of a prideful attitude they try to save themselves and they strive to ‘work’ for their salvation. They idolize relationships, drugs, alcohol, lust and other vanities under the sun. They are consumed by the world as Satan fights for their love they give in to materialism. An immature Christian is not really a Christian, yes they believe in God, but do they in fact follow Christ? This is the true test.

A Christian in its simplest and rawest definition is a Christ follower.

Spiritual Maturity to me would be defined in multiple ways. First and foremost- I would define spiritual maturity as an eager believer yearning to fall deeper in love with his or her savior more and more each day. The mature Christian has a humble attitude they realize they need a savior- we all do!  The believer’s life should hold clear evidence that he or she is a Christian. As Francis Chan states “the believer’s life should look strange to the unbeliever.” The believer should have unwavering faith in Christ and he or she should have the attitude of a bond servant to the Lord. This means that as a mature Christian the believer should be obedient to God’s word. A mature Christian should always seek Gods approval and never that of the world. As a mature Christian the believer values their quite time as time to listen to the Holy and divine spirit.

 A mature Christian knows that sometimes being weak is being strong. In moments of weakness they fall to their knees asking God to restore them, and He does when the believer asks in genuine faith.   A mature Christian has an active prayer life.  Everyday should be an act of taking up ones cross, by asking God to replace their selfish desires with desires to bring God glory. A mature Christian does not compromise they hold onto the truth they hold onto in their heart. A mature believer’s love for Christ should manifest into action. What does this look like?

A life of service

A life of gratitude

 A life of constant humility

A life of loving words of encouragement

A life filled with songs and hymns to ones savior…the list goes on.

My prayer is that my life would like that of the Mature Christian. I pray that as I mature I hold onto child like faith, with loving submission to her heavenly father. I love my creator and I long to love him more each day and to take that love and share that with others. I want to look at life and everything in it as beautiful because it is. Sure life inevitably has trials and let downs, but those trials can and will later be triumphs as I yield to Gods loving plan. I pray that I would see opportunity to serve where others would see opportunity to grumble. I pray that God would continue to tug at my heart gently as he always has. I pray that He would be the change in me, the light in me for the entire world to see. I pray that I would have confidence in myself because I confide in the Lord alone. Lastly I pray that the Lord would minister to me through his Word, through the counsel of the lovely ladies in this room and through life’s many trials.

What has God placed in my heart?

-          The desire to work with the youth, more specifically middle school girls

-          The desire to share my testimony

-          The desire to be a missionary

-          The desire to attend Bible College

-          The desire to counsel with a theological background

-          The desire to be a part of a writing ministry

He is the reason I wake up

My relationship with my heavenly father is the reason I wake up in the morning.  I know I have a lot of growing to do but, I also pray that I will always have that sense of humbleness and child like faith.  I devote time throughout the day to write out my prayers in my journal. I earnestly make an effort to read my bible every day.  I am so hungry to learn more about my creator.  My purpose is in God alone. Some days I feel too tired to pray, or to read my bible, I pray for strength and I choose to act in obedience out of love. The most amazing part about having a relationship with Christ is that the love you have will manifest into action.  I was really involved at my church until last week. I babysat for the youth pastor; I attended bible study on Tuesdays, and had just started serving in the youth ministry. Last week I found Cocaine at my Pastors house, I am in the midst of handling this situation. I have confessed my findings to the Head Pastor but have chosen to stop attending that Church. This I found to be a very heartbreaking situation, but at the same time it is just something I can learn from. I am still looking for a new home church to attend Sunday mornings and to serve at. Fortunately on Sunday evening I attend Relevant’s PanicRev Motocross Ministries on Sunday evenings and love it.

Relations

I hold a strong value on the relationships God has given me.  I have a pretty close knit relationship with my mother. We have a very different type of relationship than the typical mother- daughter dynamic. For most of my life she has struggled with alcoholism, depression and suicidal tendencies, as well cancer. Five years ago my father and her divorced, and thanks be to God she is no longer an alcoholic. I have seen God work miracles, and restore her spiritual health. She is a great inspiration to me, and is my best friend. On mother’s day my mom bought me a happy mother’s day card, so it is safe to say that although the roles are a little skewed we love one another and uplift each other.  I have three siblings, two younger brothers and an older sister. My little brothers (eleven and sixteen), look up to me. Sometimes I wish they didn’t because I wish I had more answers. My youngest brother Tommy (the eleven year old), is very hungry for Jesus and has so many questions, he is my inspiration. . My older sister is twenty two and she just moved in. This is the first time since I was eleven that she has lived with me. She has been lost; she has been used, and wounded for the past seven years. She now has a four year old son, and is struggling . She is lost. She needs Jesus. We all need Jesus. I want to be a light to my broken family and to this fallen world. God has put me in a very crucial place. My nephew calls my car the Jesus car because it has a sticker on the back window. I pray that God will use me in little ways like so to bring those that need him close. I have a very small group of friends, but I love them with all my heart. God has also blessed me with an amazing man of God as my boyfriend, Vincent Christensen who I love with my whole heart, willingly,selflessly, and fearlessly.

How I found God

I recently began reading a book called,

How can I find God? by James Martin, a book of collected Essays and I highly encourage you all to get your hands on a copy.

With that being said, I begin to write this note with one question at hand "How Did I find God"?

As I begin to ponder this question, a new question arises: How can you NOT find God? No matter where you stand in your personal relationship with a God, He is always present.

He is in the gentle breeze, the warmth in the caress of the sun’s rays, the rain drop kiss. The whole world is an expression of his love for us, an artist’s masterpiece. In nature alone we can find God. The complexity and constant order in which it functions, the intricacy behind matter forming, the seasons changing. All of these things lead me to believe that there has to be something else, some Higher Power, to make this all take place, there is no way something sooo amazing sooo glorious "just happened". I remember as a little girl having this undoubted feeling in my heart, I just knew that I was a part of something far bigger than I could really ever fathom. I was amazed by the little things, insects, daisies, sunflowers, soil, butterflies, ladybugs, leaves, the sunset and sunrise. Of course, these things will always amaze, for they are Gods gifts, and Gods creation.

But as the years flew by and that little girl turned into a preteen, "the little things" weren't really that preteen’s main focus. The focus then turned to this sick society. You see, I didn't grow up in a very religious family. We were the go to church on Christmas, and Easter type of family. My parents both struggled with alcoholism, drugs and their own very unhealthy abusive relationship. God was certainly not our foundation, and this is why everything went south- up until I truly devoted my life to God. I had this nagging void, this emptiness in my heart. I later learned that only God could fill. I tried to fill it in any way I could: drugs,alcohol,excessive exercise, you name it. I struggled with insomnia, I had trouble concentrating, I felt helpless and quite frankly I was depressed. No matter what I did, no matter how happy I tried to be, or how good things looked from the outside I was spiritually bankrupt. It went on this way all the way through Jr. High as well as High school. I tried to be strong, I had to be. My parents divorced, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. At a very young age I was forced into becoming an adult. I had to be mommy now, for my little brother, and I had to be counselor to my mom, who in her drunkenness couldn't understand the hidden beauty behind her and my father’s failed marriage. Life was a mess, and I as the oldest daughter had the responsibility to mend the pieces back together.

Things eventually settled down at the home front, things got better, they were manageable-but by this point I wasn't. I always had to be on the go, I couldn't look any one in the eye, I didn’t know the meaning of relaxation for my heart was never still. I eventually had a breaking point, I was so weary, so lost and brokenhearted when one starry night I came across the book Captivating by Stasi Eldredge hidden in my closet. The book talks about the feelings kept and locked inside of every women’s heart, the desires to play an irreplaceable role, the desire to feel beautiful, to be fought for, the desire to feel loved, and never abandoned, the desires to be treated like a princess. Sure one can easily dismiss these desires, as foolish fairytale wishes that will not ever come true. Women can easily harden her heart, and become bitter, fearful and insecure. But this wasn’t Gods plan; God's plan was for every little girl to recognize those dreams as the desires your heavenly father placed in your heart and soul so that you could come running to Him. After reading this book I fell madly in love with God and came to know him as my savior. I learned that I didn’t have to be strong, because when I wasn't God was. I learned that ' all things work together for the good for those who love God' Romans 8:28.

For so long, I wanted to turn to God but I didn’t know how! I thought I had to be perfect. The beauty behind having a relationship with God is you do not have to be perfect; we all fall short of his glory. You just have to come as you are brokenhearted and weary, and ask for god’s forgiveness. God has a loving desire to bless and care for those who will TRUST him, live in a relationship with Him of faithful submission to his care and good will. If you ask for his forgiveness, and repent ( which means to ask for forgiveness by admitting guilt, and then turning away from that life style, and following life through Christ), you can be saved from death, and walk in life. We have ALL sinned, when we have faith in His word and trust God by acknowledging that Jesus was God in human flesh and that he died to remove our guilt, and shame; we can in repentance give our lives, as a sacrifice- a wholly surrender and can become saved by Gods Grace and can become Justified. Those feelings of not being good enough, the feelings of shame and fear hear can all be healed and made whole through Jesus Christ.

- All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation 2 Corinthians 5:18-19

-2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW creation; the old has gone, the new has come

Did you get that?! You are a NEW CREATION!!!!

I’m not sure who will read this, but i pray that all of you will come to find Jesus Christ as there, friend and savior. I pray that nobody will feel alone, lost and brokenhearted, but I pray that when you do that you will run to the cross. That you will fall to your knees and that you will discover the beauty in being weak. Sometime being weak IS being strong. I pray that when you’re looking for all of life’s answers you will turn to loving friends, and family, and Gods word, for the Bible is the record of Gods ongoing effort to restore his relationship that he intended with his human creatures. Forgive those who have done you wrong, and love one another as Gods creation this is what we have ALL been called to do.

-Sophia,my brokenheart has been healed through Christ, and I yearn to share his love and glory with you all, let me know if you could use a prayer! Hopefully someone will read this lol. :)

My hope is in the palms of my savior

“My Brethren, count it all JOY when you FALL into various TRIALS, knowing that the TESTING of your faith PRODUCES PATIENCE.”

How bold and empowering. James reminds us to count it all as joy. This means that you have to train yourself to view life as a test, a test from a sovereign God who reigns over all the earth. A test with your name written at the top, and God as the evaluator. Will God the creator of all the earth be proud of the answer you selected in many life’s problems? The beautiful thing is that you are never alone in this life test. God is there to tutor you through those difficult problems. You just have to raise your hand in prayer.  Just like any test there are a various trials. I want to be Christian who counts everything as a blessing. Inevitably the test of life will sometimes be hard, but I pray that in those trials I will cling to my savior more and more. It’s really a beautiful thing, when you surrender. When you surrender because you are broken, because you’re in pain and you need help, when you realize you cannot do it alone. It is through your trials God carries you, this is something to embrace.  Our trials are used to build endurance.  I grew up as a runner. I spent countless amounts of hours training. This meant running well over 25 miles a week. I trained to build strength. I trained to learn technique. Most of all I trained so I could endure.  God allows trials in our lives so that we too could build strength, so that we can learn and so that we can endure. As a Christian I’m running into my heavenly fathers arms. I’m fighting the good fight.  The lord is my strength, He is my refuge, and he is my safe place.  Love you Jesus.